私はいかにとても軽く感じるか

we'll miss him, we'll miss him; oo25

2009-09-04T02:16:08Z

Nethaneil Thomas Moore
June 17, 1985 - August 31, 2009

"Standing above the crowd,
he had a voice that was strong and loud.
We'll miss him.
We'll miss him."

Obituary

I think more than anything, I'm shocked that I'm so shocked over this. Ask me a week ago if I thought he'd do something like this and I'd say yes, but I never expected it to actually happen. I wish my aunt would have told us he was missing, we would have worried along side her, gladly, even after all the nonsense that's happened between us.

Newspaper Blurb

I just... I can't seem to get it through my head. I don't think it'll hit me until this Christmas, when not only Grandpa, but Grandma and Nethaneil have empty chairs around the table.

Whatever you were running from Nethaneil, you got away. You escaped it completely, and left us in the dust. Wherever you are, I hope you're happier than you were here. We love you and we'll miss you.

remember me, special needs; oo24

2009-08-29T15:07:36Z

So, I haven't posted in a long long time. I'll probably regret posting this because it's where people can read it. It's gotten to the point that if I post anything negative on Facebook, I get laughed at. Then I promptly delete the comment which then makes me feel like a coward, but whatever.

Here's what's been going on since the last time I posted.

I got a boyfriend, then I lost him in a month. It's alright, he was too good for me anyway. I was sad, I'm not anymore. Though I've decided that I'm not going to date until I actually do something with my life. I've never been one of those who can't live without someone else, so I'm going to take advantage of that.

I stopped taking my medication. Not because I was rebelling or something like that. It was actually a well thought out and logical train of thought. My problem isn't something chemical, it's something wrong with me, with my personality. I'm screwed up with no one else to blame but myself. So, because of that, the medicine never really fixed me, it just treated the symptoms. Like a headache from a brain tumor that you take pain killers for. Through therapy I've learned my triggers and signs and now I'm trying to live with myself without any sort of buffer between us. It's working alright so far. Haven't done anything idiotic yet.

Otakon. I don't want to get into the bad parts because a lot has changed in wake of it. Good things are that I love working there and I'm going to be staff next year, hopefully. Though, the guy I talked to on the last day of the con about working for him will probably forget me. I really hope he doesn't because if I'm not staffing, I probably won't be able to afford to go anymore since everyone's decided that both of the cons I can actually go to are not worth going to anymore.

I kinda sorta have two jobs now. The store is still going decently. I'm stuck at 30-32 hours a week and no matter how much I ask for more, they never give me more. I don't know why and I wish they'd tell me. I started working at a local funeral home as a hostess just before Otakon. I worked three days, and had a lot of fun, and now they haven't called me in six weeks. I've called and stopped by, but they don't call back or the guy I need to talk to isn't there when I am. It's not just the fact of that I'd like the extra money, but I think this is what I want to do with my life and I'd like to see if I can handle what's involved before I spend the money to go to school. However, it seems I might have to go elsewhere to do that, which is a shame, because the next closest funeral home is a half hour in any direction on top of the fifteen-twenty it takes to get to the store. And with my old car, I'd be burning more money in gas than I'd make.

Funeral service. Stemming from above, I'm 95% sure that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I can help people, it has all the subjects that I adore [psychology, science, technology, and even art], and, on the shallow side, I could call myself an Undertaker and mean it. The only complaints I've heard from the funeral directors I've spoken to is that the hours are extremely long so they have little time to be with their families. Though, to me, that's not all bad. I love working, right now it's the only thing that's keeping me going, and I'm not going to have a family, so the long hours are no big deal at all. Seems like a win-win for me. Now the hurdles are first, making sure I can handle the details of the work, then getting the schooling done.

Future college. Right now, if everything goes the way I want it to, I'll be going to college next fall, a full year away. The college I want to go to is in Chester, just south of the state capital. It's a community college, so the plus is that it's really cheap, the minus is that there are no dorms, so I'd be paying rent, which means I have to work. For some reason, the funeral service program is crazy intense. Eighteen credits a semester, four semesters, with a time limit of five semesters to get it done. So no part-time schooling allowed. So I would have to work full time to pay the rent and go to school more-than-full-time. On top of that, if I get a C or lower in any two funeral service classes, I'm kicked out of the program and have to be reevaluated. So I'll have to work full-time, go to class full-time, and still find time to actually study. I've been out of school for two years now, it'll be three if I go in the fall. I never took the SATs and I never was smart, so this is going to be a challenge. Meaning that, if this happens, there will be no life outside of work and school, absolutely none. No roleplaying, no cons, no visitors, no nothing. Though it won't be much of a shock to me seeing as I don't have much of a life anyway. However, it won't last that long and then I can actually do something with myself, and maybe ::gasp:: move out of my parents house for good. That would be nice.

Finances. But we won't go there.

I could complain about a slew of other things, but these were the things that actually had mostly good points to them, so I'll stop.

Ugh. I'm not quite sure why I'm not tired. I didn't go to bed until 6:30 am, and woke up at 9. At least I have the day off tomorrow and maybe I can get something productive done.

give me my wings and I'll learn to fly; oo22

2009-05-04T01:25:31Z

Anyone willing to do a set of 3 tattoo designs or know of someone/somewhere where I can get affordable, quality designs? One of the designs I want is complex and kind of big, the other two are small and less complex.

I've figured out that beyond the pair of wings on my back, which will be rather large [though not full back], I'd want to get something smaller to gauge my tolerance for this specific kind of pain. So I got the idea of putting something on the back of my neck, as I like being symmetrical and I would never be able to pick which leg/arm/shoulder/etc I'd want it on. Then I got the idea of putting a matching/similar pair of wings on my ankles, like Hermes. And now that I thoroughly love this idea, I think I want to do all three, so I'd have six wings, and thus be a seraph.

If anyone has any ideas as to who or where, please tell me. I'd be willing to pay a small commission, but money's tight, you know? I'm definitely not planning these to be immediate, because yeah, money's tight and moving out is more important, but I'd like to have a design on hand for when I do have the extra cash.

I was thinking of asking Shannon, but she's still working on finals. I might just wait until she's done.

Anyone? Ideas?

it's just your ghost passing through; oo21

2009-04-21T02:44:55Z

So, I've been doing a lot of anime watching recently. Or, actually, I've been finishing a lot of anime recently. So, I've taken on a new set.

Recently Finished:
Zoku Natsume Yuujinchou
To Aru no Majutsu Index
Soul Eater
Kuroshitsuji
Shounen Onmyouji
Antique Bakery
Elfen Lied
Zombie Loan OVA

and thus have taken on:
07-Ghost
Pandora Hearts
Fullmetal Alchemist 2
Hetalia Axis Powers
Higashi no Eden
Tsubasa Chronicle: Shunraiki along with its xxxHolic counterpart

still watching:
Bleach [It will never end and got good for five minutes. Has gone back to sucking]
Gintama [Crack addiction, Y/Y?]
Himitsu ~Top Secret~ [Finished airing, slow subbing group]
Katekyo Hitman Reborn [Action is picking up, whoo]
Monochrome Factor [Must. Finish. Must. Make. It. Be. Over.]

And that's me in an anime-nutshell. :DD

I wanna be; oo20

2009-04-07T02:06:19Z

So I just finished Soul Eater. I've been completing my series one by one and I need to write reviews for them. Hopefully better ones than the one I gave for Natsume Yuujinchou. I want to give my opinion without it giving spoilers...

Reviews to come:
To Aru Majutsu no Index
Kuroshitsuji
Soul Eater

anything else anyone is interested in hearing about?

btw, lamest ending ever.

aishiteru; oo19

2009-04-01T02:12:31Z

So, because most of my time is spent either at work, or watching anime, I thought I'd start getting into the habit of reviewing series that I finish and posting them here for all to see. Maybe someone will find something new and interesting to watch.

Any, my first review is already posted.

This is a list of all the anime I'm watching, have seen, and plan to see. If there are any that I've finished that you have a specific interest in my opinion on, just tell me. I might have to rewatch the series to get a good handle on it, though.

Happy reading, am off to bed.

Zoku Natsume Yuujinchou; anime review oo1

2009-04-01T02:08:54Z

Title: Zoku Natsume Yuujinchou
Episodes: 13

Continuing on from the first season, Zoku Natsume Yuujinchou follows the story of Natsume, a boy who has been able to see spirits since he was little. Unfortunately, humans shun him, and there is not much fondness between him and spirits either. One day, he inherits a Yūjin-Chō ("Book of Friends") from his grandmother. The book is actually full of contracts that his grandmother made to trap spirits. As one spirit after another shows up, Natsume tries to release or help them — even while many of them seek vengeance on him. - Anime New Network

Summary for Season 1 [Natsume Yuujinchou]: Natsume Takashi has the ability to see spirits, which he has long kept secret. However, once he inherits a strange book that belonged to his deceased grandmother, Reiko, he discovers the reason why spirits surround him. Containing the names of these spirits, a binding contract was formed between the spirits and the owner of the book. Now, Natsume is determined to free the spirits and dissolve the contracts. With the help of a spirit cat, his days are filled trying to return the names to these spirits. - Anime News Network

Story: 9 of 10

Just like the first season, the second is very episodic, with a few recurring characters thrown into the mix. Many of the stories are sweet and sad, something rather subdued and soft as opposed to what I'm used to watching. I found myself crying at the end of a couple episodes, even. More so than season 1, Zoku has an underflow to it, the foreboding feeling that there's something bigger than these small, brief encounters.

Art: 10 of 10

The art of this series is just astounding. It's soft and beautiful with smooth movement. There wasn't a dime wasted on this project. Natsume is definitely up there in my opinion with works like Gankutsuou and Ghost Hound.

Sound: 9 of 10

I need to pay more attention to the background sounds of series, but the rest of the audio [the opening, the ending, the voice acting] is all very nice. Many a time, I found myself singing the ending song in particular. The voices all were perfect choices for the characters, all the way down to the minors. Again, there was no detail left untouched in this series.

Characters: 9 of 10

The characters of this series are all lovable and deep. Even the minor characters that appear for one or two episodes have emotion and a backstory, most of which are rather sad. The main characters all touch your heart, though there are a few that I wish were expanded a little more. A new dimension to a recurring character is revealed in this season, and has hooked me once again.

Enjoyment: 10 of 10

I love this series. I love it because isn't something that I can use to wind down, something enjoyable without large amounts of violence, blood, and horror. It's calmer than anything I've ever watched. I pray they make a third season, though the first two being only 13 episodes, I don't understand why they didn't just make it one 26 episode series, or even something longer.

just to share the love; oo18

2009-03-31T12:21:33Z

I uploaded these for a certain friend, so I thought I'd share the wealth.

Sigur Ros Zip 1 and
Sigur Ros Zip 2 including Camphor.

If there are those out there who have never heard of them/ can't find downloads for them, 1] listen now, or else, and 2] most, if not all of their stuff is there.

Now off to work.

nee mou sukoshi dake; oo17

2009-03-31T04:17:44Z

So I finished going through my journal entries, taking out all the useless ones, keeping the ones that mean something. Layout's done, revamping is done, now all I need is to make more icons, and find a suitable kanji/kana mood theme.

I was laying down trying to go to sleep and ran a hand back through my hair, and my finger got caught on my industrial bar. And so, I realized that now that the holes are completely healed, the swelling in my ear had gone down, and there was a BUNCH of excess room. So I got up and looked through the other bars I had. I picked out one that was shorter, however, it was a 14g. My ear was pierced with a 16g. For those who don't know the difference in width from 16 to 14, here's a picture. 16 gauge is on the bottom, 14 on the top.

Long story, short, I just put said bar in. Aaaand fuck I'm not going to be able to lay on that side. xD But it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

Anyway, work tomorrow. Woot. Then day off. More woot.

I need to go to the Prince William Library and see if they have a better selection of reference material for Synthetica.

Yeah, sleep. Night.

climbing Jacob's ladder; oo16

2009-03-30T07:56:48Z

I've gotten through editing the worst of the journal posts. I wanted to keep the ones about Bruce. Now that that part's over, I'm probably going to be getting rid of a lot.

4am. Gotta get up at 8. Trying to decide if it's even worth sleeping.

Gooood moooorning Starbucks.

BTW: Take a look at my new layout. I is proud. Base from gossymer, did almost all the editing, cept a few things I couldn't figure out, which nevita so kindly helped me with, but yeah, I really like it.

I was thinking about putting a song on the header, but I can't figure out which one would work best.

Suggestions?

your nose, oh whoa whoa, your nose; oo15

2009-03-30T05:53:05Z

So, because things have changed, I really need to start using my LJ more. I mean, my life isn't very exciting, but there's at least a few things that are notable. And so, instead of making a new journal like I always do, cause I like the name of this one, I'm debating whether or not to just delete all my posts and start from scratch. I'm torn, because there are a few posts about Bruce in here that I get extremely depressed reading, but I don't know if I want to lose them. If I don't delete, then I'm going to go through the reformat them, because the new layout automatically sizes my font to what I want to see.

Anyway, yeah, 2 AM. Work in 6 hours. Bah.

tramps like us, baby, we're born to run; oo14

2008-07-28T05:06:33Z

I just finished an amazing book called Battle Royale by Koushun Takami. I don't think I've ever read a more moving book about fighting for what you know is right, no matter the cost. I've told the people at work about this book and they all look at me like I'm crazy for loving such a bloody and violent novel. Yes, the gore is entertaining, but the message stays with you.

I love America. With all it's screw ups and corruption, I still think it can be better than any place in the world. We just have to work at it. Nothing in life is handed to us, and I think that's what the people of this country have forgotten. We're so used to hand outs and get-rich-quick schemes that hard work and perseverance are seen as elementary. We need change. And we can do it. There's nothing holding us back but ourselves.

We'll tear this country apart, and rebuild it better than ever. It may not be in the next few years, it may not even be in my lifetime, but it will happen. If there's on thing I can believe in, it's change.

For Narahara Shuya, Nakagawa Noriko, and Kawada Shogo,

Keep running, and with you in my heart, I'll run toward my own dream.

The highway's jammed with broken heroes,
On a last chance power drive,
Everybody's out on the run tonight,
but there's no place left to hide.
Together, Wendy, we'll live with the sadness,
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul.
Someday girl, I don't know when,
We're gonna get to that place,
Where we really want to go,
And we'll walk in the sun.
But till then, tramps like us,
Baby, we were born to run.

it's bigger than you, and you are not me; oo13

2008-07-24T17:37:04Z

KITTY PICTURES

His name is Zodiac aka "Z" or "Zodie". And yes, he's named after who you think he is. <3 He was born March 29th, 2008 in the Fauquier SPCA shelter. We also got his brother, Caesar, at the same time.

These are only of Zodie cause Caesar wasn't around.

bells and footfalls and soldiers and dogs; oo12

2008-07-24T06:33:41Z

So, I've come up with a list of the fifteen most basic moods based on wiki, my brain, and LJ's mood creator.

happiness: Okita [Peacemaker Kurogane. Adorable. Period.]
anger: Envy [Fullmetal Alchemist. Yeah. For you, Codename.]
sadness: Fai [Tsubasa. Biggest emo kid ever.]
fear: Chrona [Soul Eater. Makes the sexiest scared face ever.]
blank: Nazuki [Peacemaker Kurogane. Kitty boy.]

love: Lavi [D.Gray-Man. Funny heart face.]
awe: Hiitachin Twins [Ouran Koukou Host Club. They make funny faces too.]
remorse: Katan [Angel Sanctuary. Already made.]
aggression: Tenzen [Basilisk. ...I get knocked down...]
confusion: Tyki [D.Gray-Man. His funny confused face.]

sleepy: Seimei [Loveless. Sexy dead hotness. In that order.]
sick: Akito [Fruits Basket. Do I have to explain?]
busy: Watanuki [Xxxholic. Watanuki + apron.]
thoughtful: Dr. Stein [Soul Eater. Screw that brain good.]
devilish: Rokujo [Nabari no Ou. He has cute devil wings.]

So. Now I'm sure some icons will be able to double with ones not on this list. I've already assigned ~~a few~~ all of them. So now I get to go through scans until I find the right picture. ::sighs:: For those who are fans, if you have a specific picture that comes to mind, feel free to link me.

WOOO 2:30 AM. :D YAAAY INSOMNIA. ... Still not tired...

your spirit's so beautiful, I feel sick; oo11

2008-04-06T03:50:15Z

Stolen from animalboything.

1. My username is ______ because ______.

A hikikomori, in basic terms, is a shut in in their late teens, early twenties with extreme fears of society. Chan is a Japanese honorific used as a term of endearment, especially for girls.
Information on the hikikomori here.
Information on Japanese honorifics here.

2. My name is _____ because ______.

Birth name is Rachel because my parents picked it. Rem is my nickname as it's my initials.

3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

"How do I feel so light?" They're lyrics from a song called "Tonight And The Rest Of My Life" by Nina Gordon. I love the song, and it's a song from my childhood.

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

It's the same as the rest of my journal...

5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

A very bad icon I made using my current layout with Japanese characters and the lyrics on it.

6. My LJ name (you know how you can change that sort of sub-name thing?) is:
Rem

jesus christ why don't you come save my life; oo10

2008-03-16T03:43:34Z

Stolen from Dottie~~

Choose twelve of your original characters, in any particular order. Then, answer the questions that follow, but DON'T LOOK AT THE QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU PICK THE CHARACTERS!

1. Arkcadi
2. Jericho
3. Amun
4. Evan
5. Ian
6. Angel
7. Ryker
8. Lusca
9. Enoch
10. Hale
11. Anda
12. Gabriel

1. Who would make a better college professor, 6 or 11?
Anda, definitely. Angel wouldn't be able to keep his attention long enough. He's more of a follower than a leader.

2. Do you think #2 is hot? How hot?
Totally. Jericho is a smexy cyborg man.

3. 12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
Gabriel sending Lusca on a mission? Whoa. Um. Probably for Lusca to apologize to every person he's screwed with.

4. What is or would be 9's favorite book?
"Law of Heaven"

5. Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?
Jericho's such a romantic, though he really wouldn't be interested in Angel.

6. For whatever reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should 5 share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?
Both would be standable, though he'd probably take Anda, as he's more shy and will leave him alone when he has his lady friends over.

7. 2, 7, and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
Probably somewhere nice, but not extravegant. Like Applebee's or something.

8. 3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
O.O Hale would be dead. Instantly.

9. If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would 8 get it back?
He'd probably never get it back. XD Ark would probably pawn whatever it is off immediately.

10. Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.
"Normality"

11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?
A common victim. Arkcadi's a hitman, Evan's a serial killer.

12. If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
Ryker would be a riot to have around. Probably lots of drugs and sex, even if I'm not into that.

13. If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
Tell me my future.

14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw anything regarding 11?
A friend and I are organizing a colab story with Anda in it.

15. If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?
Probably 5. Because Jericho's done with the whole killing thing.

16. What might 10 shout while charging into battle?
"BEWARE MY MIGHT WHEELS OF METAL!" Oooh, wheelchair boy.

17. If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?
"Sympathy for the Devil"

18. 1, 6, and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
Probably Angel, as Arkcadi only eats human flesh and Gabriel's no match for Angel's heels of doom.

19. What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?
"Hey, ever thought of the possibilities that wheelchair could provide?"

20. What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
Malpractice. I'm surprised he hasn't yet. XD

21. What is 6's secret?
He's actually not a girl.

22. If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Enoch. Because he has wings.

23. If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?
I'd be fine with either of them, but I'd pick Ryker.

24. 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that he is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fic?
Ok... so Enoch and Arkcadi team up to fight against Evan. Anda volunteers, but is actually Evan's spy. Evan kidnaps his own boyfriend, Gabriel. Amun advises that they seek out Ian. Name of fic?

"Drop This Shit And Find Some Hookers"

shake shake shake me sane; ooo9

2008-01-27T07:41:06Z

For all those who didn't know, I am the official owner of an asian ball-jointed doll. I've wanted one for over a year now and I cane finally get one.

So, I've been tracking my adventures using sodearlybeloved <-- this journal. I'm getting a camera soon, so I will be sure to put up LOTS of pictures when he gets here! Feel free to comment, friend, watch, whatever. Most, if not all, of the posts will be public.

OMG! HE'LL BE HERE WITHIN THE WEEK!!! [hopefully]